i permit you to call me
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Randomize
