dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
