This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
