wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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