Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
