We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
