Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
