You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
