Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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