Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
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