and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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