I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
