I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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