i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
