She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
