ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
