I think I am morally bankrupt
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
