Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
