Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
