you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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