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you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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