i was rollin on her like bob the builder
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
