was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
