Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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