you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
