Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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