The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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