It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
