He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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