it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
