i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
