google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
