Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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