I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
