I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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