when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
