would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
