remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
