Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
