I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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