found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
