me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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