We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
