smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
