but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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