I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
