So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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