I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
