I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
so that wasnt chicken after all
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Is Oprah even human
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
