I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
