What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
