Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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