You're my little dorito
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
