She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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