this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Life is so much better after having sex.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
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