I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
